“

Ok, let me see if I got this right:
The Human Torch is Captain America.
Thor is Captain Kirk’s dad.
Iron Man is Sherlock Holmes. Also he used to fuck Spider-Man.
The Hulk is Tyler Durden and also Hector, prince of Troy.
The Ghost Rider is Hit Girl’s dad and eventually went on a treasure hunt only to end up dying drunk in Las Vegas.
Magneto is a nazi wizard who wants to fuck his gardener.
The Punisher fought Rocky Balboa in Russia and he is also Volstagg.
Batman is Jesus Christ and also a serial killer who has three clones (one retarded, one faggot and one bastard) and is also the father of Bullseye, who was in love with the guy who killed John Lennon.
Superman recently introduced his boyfriend to the Green Hornet.
Catwoman is Storm.

Did I miss anything?

”

—

• Rorschach is a pedophile; they put him in an insane asylum on an island.
• Bullseye used to hunt drug lords with Ray Charles.
• The Joker is a gay cowboy
• Black Widow hooked up with Venkman in Japan.
• J. Jonah Jameson is Kitty Pryde’s father, who got teen-pregnant with Scott Pilgrim, who has also dated Ramona Flowers and Katara, who also used to date each other during a “sexy phase" in college.
• Nick Fury did so many drugs in the 80s that he lost a metric fuckton of LMDs. One stole the KITT prototype and worked for a SHIELD dummy division, Knight Industries.
• John Constantine hid his consciousness inside of a computer program during the Great Robot War. While Batman, as John Connor, lead the resistance on the outside, Constantine (now known as Thomas Anderson) fought the machines from within.
• Green Goblin was sent to investigate when Bruce Wayne started killing people left and right.
• The Octopus and Silken Floss have successfully infiltrated Tony Stark’s good graces. Only time will tell what those two have planned.
• Shadowcat found out Nite-Owl was a pedo and killed him for it.
• Hellboy lived in the sewers, becoming a modern interpretation of Beast from Beauty & the Beast, after saving a small French girl from an insane scientist trying to steal children’s dreams. The scientist’s henchman was left paralyzed and wheelchair-bound when he and Hellboy fought Aliens together on a space ship. Later on he fights vampires, before taking over a gun-running biker gang.
• Zeus descended from the heavens to become Rhas Al Ghul, who sold all his possessions to save a bunch of Jews, and later tortured some people to save his daughter from being sold into sexual slavery. Also he was a Jedi, killed by The Toad.

when comic nerds find imdb and start posting on /co/