stupid over-dramaticized things one thinks about at 4 am instead of finishing work.

-I worked at the Strasberg School for 6 weeks before I was a freshman at NYU. I was comissioned to write a play. I abruptly left 2 weeks prior to having to put the play on and instead walked through most of Manhattan, petrified of Brooklyn and spent most days eating water ice in Central Park.  The play had to be for the 6-8 year olds. I never went back for my paycheck out of embaressment.

-there was a crackhead named percy. he had a louis vuitton bag. he told me he’d kill me once but then he apologize and asked for change.

-I once cleared a five-foot high metal barrier from a standing position.

-despite the basis, the story about me sleeping in tompkins square park on halloween is sadly true. what i did not tell was how i vomited once i walked to chinatown.

-i was punched by a lesbian during sex. she gave me a black eye. i don’t think i turned her that gay.

-when i spent the summer in madrid, i vomited twice on a train after getting shit-faced at an irish bar and taking e with two american girls who were being hit on by a group of spanish dudes. it wasn’t fun.

-while in spain, i kept a bottle of cognac in my room cause i assumed i could be sophisticated. cognac tastes like shit and i nearly gagged everytime i drank it. i finally left it outside one night.

-when i was 17, i had memorized the entire grid of washington d.c. i literally could walk anywhere within 30-45 minutes.

-i only had one “magical new york moment." i was in Sophie’s one night with a friend and his friend. a girl walked up and asked if i wanted to see a salvadore dali film at filmforum. and then quickly changed it to a midnight movie at sunshine. never got her name. we just said to meet in a week at sunshine. i forgot if it was friday or saturday. never got her name. she just had very red lips.

in hindsight, the friend and his friend brainstormed that night at a bar with me about how this was in fact a hipster test and i’d likely be alone with 30 other guys in black glasses waiting for a random girl from a bar who wanted to see a movie.

i did show up for 10 minutes on a friday. after that, i left to drink a bunch of bud tallboys at some frat house.

-the first time i ever saw anything remotely obscure was when i bullshitted my way during an internship that i knew who kazuo hara was. and then i became hooked.

-and let’s just make up the rest.