If you’re lucky enough to not give a shit about the internet and live in the woods you may have missed one of the odder corporate tie-ins to visionary director™ zack snyder’s man of steel. essentially, gilette—the brand that wants you to cut yourself which is frankly the best anyone can get—has asked "#howdoesheshave."

now there’s a number of questions here, the least of which being there is no question mark and instead a pound sign (the kids refer to this as a “hash-taggggg"). Gilette, in their infinite funded wisdom, have asked notable shavers and groomers like the director of clerks, a star of a cbs show about people who have disposable income for comic books, this guy—a science guy and these guys.

but that’s fucking silly. and a very important question. so i’ve decided to see if critics can answer this question by simply replacing any reference to ‘superman,’ ‘clark kent’ or ‘man of steel’ with ‘how does he shave’ to find out if there can be an* answer to this (unlike vulgar auteurism or “how’d it get burned").

“As his father explains, there’s no God to blame for the way how does he shave’s abormalities. He is the God."-matt patches, film.com
“But mostly, how does he shave is preoccupied with its own spectacle."-stephanie zacharek, great mailer’s ghost
"In fact, without really giving anything away, the last 45 minutes of how does he shave seem like a deliberate, and quite successful attempt to top the sheer destruction wreaked on Manhattan in the climax of “Marvel’s The Avengers’’ (called, of course, Metropolis here). The special effects are better, too."-lou lumenick, the more expensive new york daily news
“But as a movie, how does he shave limps."-devin faraci, terribleanus diaspora
“How does he shave is probably the superhero least in need of an existential crisis, but leave it to Christopher Nolan to give him one anyway."-todd gilchrist, polyvergevoxbutrottentomatoessaysscreencrushbecauselol
“Many characters (and comics readers) of the post-1986 landscape have disparaged the legendary superhero as a “big blue boy scout” for his primary-colored uniform and lack of moral ambiguity, but how does he shave sets out to darken up the last son of Krypton and to fit him to the current trend of brooding, haunted vigilantes."-alonso duralde, the wrap
“Impressive in parts, scattered and blandly familiar in others, how does he shave attempts to rejuvenate its hero with a whole lot of big ideas stuffed into a dense assemblage that alternates between visual wizardry and complicated non-linear plot ingredients, some better than others."-eric kohn, steam magazine
“The most successful part of Snyder’s vision is two-fold: the laser-focused emphasis on how does he shave’s journey into how does he shave, and the impressive ease with which Cavill slides into the lead role."-charlie schmidlin, the playlist
"Fanboy Flick Pick: How Does He Shave Will Flatten You"-that dude, that site.
“The last act of how does he shave is out of control."-jordan hoffman, screencrush
"How does he shave is simultaneously bigger and smaller than you are expecting."-Germain Lussier, /film
“As a service to you, we answer every question you could possibly have about how does he shave."- mike ryan, huffington post
“The ambition to make a grittier kind of how does he shave pic is certainly admirable, but much of what Snyder and Goyer set out to fix wasn’t really broken in the first place. "-proto p90x, varietyline
why are you still reading and not shaving?
“I don’t see this happening with how does he shave but maybe, maybe. I’ll see it 36 hours hence and we’ll go from there."-jeff wells, praguelsewhere

*typos lol