The irony is the person promised me a video of a man in bear suit standing on a beach during a hurricane.
This is much better.
“Hi. I drink Cosmos. Wanna fuck?”
The Irony: Earth is in fact Staten Island!
True Story
A British man bought my MonsterHoodie right off my back for $70 last night. I’m actually 90% sure it was this British man.
the fact you owned one of these means I have to hit you. In the arm.
Everyone should watch Akagi. Mahjong will never look the same.
Horrible Confessions.
True Blood’s opening may keep me watching it. Otherwise, it is incredibly unwatchable.
I mean, really: is that the dude from Biohazard as the vampire? Can Bill emote any less? Can there be any more random fake breasts in the south?
If we’re talking Alan Ball, than yes. Yes there alaways can be more.
“I would like inform you that Scarlett Johansson (actress)actually is a clone from original person,who has nothing with acting career.Clone was created illegally by using stolen biomaterial. Original Scarlett Galabekian last name is nice, CHRISTIAN young lady.I’ll tell you more,those clones(it’s not only one)made in GERMANY-world leader manufacturer of humans clones,it is in Ludwigshafen am Rhein,N. Bavaria, Mr. Helmut Kohl home town.You can’t even imaging the scale of the cloning activity.But warning. H. Kohl clone staff 100% controlling their clones spreading around the world,they are very accurate with that, some of them are still NAZI type disciplined and mind controlled clones,be careful get close with clones you will be controlled too.Original family did not authorize any activity with stolen biological materials,no matter what form it was created,it all needs back to original family control to Cedars-Sinai MedicalCenter in LA.Original Scarlett is not engage,by the way.”
I feel old.
I had no idea who Russel Brand was for 20 minutes and just assumed he was some drugged up British man on TV.
I am never going to fuck an NYU freshman at this point. I am now old. Sigh.
for some reason, I think I’ve found my future calling.
A minor list of guests I am shooting for in Season 2
In no order:
- Armond White (NY Press)
- Ed Koch (Fmr. NY Mayor, The Villager)
- Larry Fessenden (Glass Eye Pix, Habit, The Last Winter)
- Nathan Lee (Village Voice, NY Times)
- Benten Boys (Andrew Grant and Aaron Hillis. For the hell of it.)
- Mary and Ronald Bronstein ( Yeast and Frownland respectively.)
- Andrew O’Hehir and Glenn Kenny (hopefully to be on our Pre-NYFF episode)
- Jurgen Fauth
- John Hodgman (because why not.)
- Derrick Comedy (if their film comes along.)
- Negin Farsad and Kim Gatewood (Nerdcore Rising —if it ever comes out in NYC.)
- David Hudson (because we owe him beer for links.)
That’s about it. If you can think of anyone else, or you yourself want to come down to Grassroots Tavern and be on a podcast about drinking and the state of film criticism, shoot me an email: john.lichman AT gmail dot com
Great Moments in Unemployment
Scene: St. Mark’s Comics. A basement level store filled with books that never seem to move. Two people working. In walks JOHN. John is incredibly hot, looks like he just stepped out of the shower and has red teeth due to buying a Water Ice. He clearly looks great right now.
John: Hi—are you guys still hiring?
One of the employees nods.
Employee: Yeah.
John: Oh, great. Is there an application to fill out, or…?
Employee: Nope. Just drop off your resume and we’ll see if we can use you.
John: Oh…ok…uh…I’m not sure if my resume would help.
Employee: Do you have retail experience?
John: Yes, but…um, I worked in a grocery store.
Employee: Was that your last job?
John: Oh, no. I was an editor for a special events website, kept it updated daily, did basic reporting for it and beta-tested it prior to our relaunch.
Beat.
And I was also the special projects editor for the site…
Employee: Uh.
John: So, leave a resume.
Employee: Yes.
JOHN nods and leaves. Scene.
I mean, why would you need to see the film to be a junket-teer?
TYLER PERRY’S THE FAMILY THAT PREYS
WHAT: A press mixer for TYLER PERRY’S THE FAMILY THAT PREYS
WHO: Cast members Alfre Woodard, Sanaa Lathan and Taraji P. Henson
WHEN: Monday, September 8, 2008; 3:00 - 4:00 PM - Press should arrive at 2:45 PM
WHERE: ——— Hotel ———- - East Terrace - XX West Xrd Street (@ ————)
[Plot overview.]
NOTE: If you have yet to see the film, we will notify you of future screenings on Monday
the note came bolded. there are no current screening announcements. but then again, why does a Tyler Perry film have to screen for critics?
The Guys Writing The CollegeHumor Movie Just Commissioned To Write The Next Ghosbusters →
Effective “who ya gonna call?” pun in progress.
Via Mundy.
The more shocking news: there’s a CollegeHumor movie in the works? Has The Onion Movie or National Lampoon not taught us anything? The only good humor site/mag movie had to have been 1974’s The Plague: The Movie; Part One—in Three Dimensions plus an extra one.
Not only was it the highest grossing film of all time in Dayton, Ohio, but it was also the first recorded snuff film sponsored by NYU.
And entirely not real. Sigh.
The best two parts come at the very end:
-Eugene Mirman on “Online Media"
-Eugene Mirman and Tucker Carlson.
the more i think about it, LOLMcCains will now take up my time today.
Tomorrow: LOLBamas.
I will need a fresh infusion of Bleu Cheese dressing, carrots, dried edamame and gin.
And some delightful cocktail weenies.
(via Warren Ellis and captioned by Dan Curtis Johnson
“If it puts little plastic guitars into kids’ hands and fires their imaginations, I think that’s a good thing. It’s harmless fun, innit.
I’d rather that genre of video games than somebody getting their fucking head chopped off with a samurai sword while getting fucked by a goblin up the arse with a laser. Do you know what I mean?”
”
“How odd. I hit the bookmark for The House Next Door, and ended up at Penthouse Forum.”
They left off the requirement of "must like verbal rape."
Desired:
• An eye for quality design and an interest in learning HUGE’s results-driven design process
• Strong organizational skills and the ability to meet strict deadlines
• Proven communications skills with internal teams and clients
• A great sense of humor
• A great attitude- We value our creative talent tremendously and show it, but we operate a prima-donna free work zone.
• A thick skin
• A personality that is approximately 10 degrees off-center (wtf does this mean?)
"Look, my name is Steve…"