Things I Find After Googling "Pokemon Cosplay"

Friends,

Yesterday I told you about a close friend of ours whose son was saved from almost certain moral turpitude by the power of prayer. For every child who is saved from damnation hudreds are allowed to continue their involvment with Pokemon - the crazy addictive kid-cult that kills. Let us now explore some of the unfortunate consequences of growing-up without Christian moral guidance - as you can see, the results are profoundly shocking:

By the age of 9, most Pokemon-players (or poke-maniacs) begin to develop horrendous nightmares: Every night they are haunted by visions of the ungodly creatures such as Pikachu. According to the pokemon cartoons, this hideous monstrosity stuns and kills it’s prey by shooting electric-shocks from it’s tail and cheek-patches. Kids are programmed to think that if they do not obey Mr. Pikachu he will come for them in the night and devour their helpless bodies, thus “evolving” them into “Ghastly” - the “Ghost Pokemon”.

“My game was very sexual. The main character was, like, a giant penis. It was like Mario Brothers, but the ghosts were, like, vaginas. Mind you, I’m 12 years old, and this is stuff 30-year-olds are programming. You’d have to draw in and program every little step - it literally took me all night to do a step, ‘cause the penis, y’know, had little feet and eyes.”
— Kayne West on his video game ideas. [Examiner]

If only you could Blingee the news.

The Jamba Juice at 5th Avenue and 42nd Street was robbed at gunpoint yesterday morning. The robbery was a case of (peach) perfection with cops arriving in time to spot the assailant, but not able to capture him when he fled as swiftly as a (strawberry) surf rider. During the robbery, two employees on duty were given a (protein berry) workout as the robber, described as a six-foot black man, (chocolate) moo’d them to the back room. He then cleared out the cash register and safe while he likely achieved a state of (strawberry) nirvana. Despite being armed, no (wheatgrass) shots were fired and the thief can now only hope for some form of immunity (boost) if he is caught.

[Gothamist]