Gene Shalit quit the Today Show today. Shalit and his mustache have become historic for their ability to deliver painful bon mots on film and puns so terrible they may have killed small children.
Anyway. If having outlandish facial hair is a pre-req for film criticism for major markets, I can totally do that. Pic related. It was taken by Joshua "4 Loko" Heller near the old Current offices last June (in a place lovingly nicknamed “Tranny Alley.")
I even took the 20 minutes to make a detailed work of video fiction wherein I battled John Travolta’s own epic mustache from the remake of The Taking Of Pelham 123.
What I’m trying to say is simple: I can grow a bad-ass mustache and I once was so witty that I entertained a group of drunks outside of the Kibitz Room in Los Angeles after taking a solid punch to the chest.
So, hire me. I’ll be your Shalit.