sure, you can.
but let’s remember something and remember it well. People assume film critics are a myth. No one, in their right mind, thinks a person out there is willing to sit through 4-7 films a day and consider that a slow day. No sane person thinks that there is a person out there willing to try and define a movie.
that’s dumb. movies aren’t culture. movies are moving images with soundtracks directed by michael bay punctuated with fucking bomb-ass explosions.
movies aren’t art. movies aren’t for the old or for grandpa.
grandpa’s dead. movies are for THE YOUNG.
And if you can’t comprehend that Movies are meant to be nothing more than 120 minutes of mindless, idiotic fun that can broken down into capsule reviews that contradict themselves, then you know what? And if you think Movies mean something and are worth exploring and should be analyzed thoughtfully while holding directors, writers and actors responsible for their craft? Then you know what?
Because art is hard and you’re just a know-it-all who doesn’t get the people. The people know better than you, sad pathetic person at a movie theater who likes watching multiple movies in black and white. I bet you even own a Criterion DVD. LAME.
Movies are about Blu-Ray and my sweet-ass PS3. Who gives a shit about a film the dude who made The Godfather did with the blowjob guy?
Then let’s get into the nitty gritty about this. Because I’ll stop the satire here. There are a handful of working critics these days, no matter what Rotten Tomatoes puts up on their site. And the main reason people took that fucking “pool movie" listicle to task was based on how utterly fucking lazy it was. No one who had two strands of common sense and followed trades—which I assume she does, since she’s a freelancer in LA —would run that shit and still not copy edit it four days after the fact.
But it’s fine. She wants to play film critic in a world where less and less actual critics are working and more are nothing more than glorified junketeers who can’t read the Box Office, can’t read a film and are more than happy to crib press notes into their capsule reviews.
Because lord knows, people wouldn’t give two shits if someone wrote Walter Cronkite’s obituary as:
"NEW YORK—Walter Cronkite, 922?, died at his home. He was that guy. He was semi famous yeah, whatevers. He’s certainly no Silverback Gorilla. But more importantly, what would Dash Snow have done if Cronkite was a bit more open? At lease he proved the Rule of 3."
And then threw up a YouTube video.
Apples to oranges? Sure. But actual critics taking criticism and film reporting seriously. And bullshitting around that in some pseudo-Gonzo format when you don’t have a goddamn clue what you’re doing is annoying. Then again, I don’t consider myself a real critic. I have a day job and try my best to get through the stuff I want to watch.
But at least if I’m wrong, I don’t suck a landfill of dicks.