“what i need you to do for my birthday is fly over here, show up drunk at about 1 am, punch me in the arm multiple times, then vomit over the bar onto their side.”
— done and done.

“Channing Tatum’s penis is gross. It looks like a hot dog that’s been left too long on the grill. The tip is hot-pink, singed, and shriveled. It appears angry. And it’s painful to view. My penis hurts just from looking at it.”
— go on. find out why.

“I wish Kevin James’ next movie, The Zookeeper was Romanian. Instead of learning dating tips from the zoo animals, he would just look at pictures of them in Zoobooks while eating a loaf of bread and staring out the window.”
—

Filmdrunk.

Which is basically the home of the best headlines ever.