“Readers on the Storytime Stage will be NASCAR’s Danica Patrick, Minnesota Viking Adrian Peterson, Elmo, Abby, Gordon and Rosita from Sesame Street, the full cast of Super Sprowtz, The Wanted, and actress Quvenzhané Wallis.”
— white house release on 2013 egg roll participants

“Many rich Hollywood celebrities have armed guards with them at all times and many regular people who live in a poor neighborhood, who have a business in a poor neighborhood and a neighborhood that may have higher crime — those people have to suffer the vicissitudes of violent crime without protection sometimes because of gun control laws. So, yes, I think there is a certain amount of hypocrisy.”
— Rand Paul on Guns and Hollywood’s liberal bias. Silly Rand Paul, Hollywood celebrities have thetans to protect them.

“Product Features
MAJOR UPDATE: DOWNLOAD NOW
New Feature: Build Your Own Robot
Customize your Robots with 1000+ unique combinations
Official robots from the Real Steel movie
Unlock all possible robots
Play in two different modes: Tournament & Free Sparring
Easy to use on-screen controls and Amazing 3D graphics
Hours of endless robot battles”
— the Real Steel HD game for android.

“Although her candidacy is not yet official, the media stories about her past have already begun. (RELATED: Ashley Judd, potential U.S. Senate candidate, sure has done a lot of on-screen nudity)”
— the daily cal oh whatever how is that even an article?

“If Groupon was Battletoads, it would be like I made it all the way to the Terra Tubes without dying on my first ever play through.”
— the former CEO of Groupon on being fired.