Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Alena Marsh, 19, from Lancaster, Pa., managed to show Mr. Pattinson a tattoo above her ear of a small apple and the word “lamb,” which is Edward’s nickname for Bella. Afterward she leaned on a kiosk outside the store, tears streaming down her face as other fans rushed to her. “He was this close,” she said as they squealed. “Close enough to bite my neck.” OMG.
OMG. Gray Lady does not understand New Media.
[NYT]
Click here to see the horrible, horrible NSFW truth. And ask yourself: how does one shoot flames from one’s special no-no place?
(via Old Man Internet Jesus.)
I would make a kick-ass teacher. I know.
Because I've been on a Mountain Goats and Aesop Rock kick for the last few nights.
Seriously: “Lovecraft in Brooklyn" would be an awesome short film.
If only to give kids the excuse to run around with paper machete squid masks and stencils. It could benefit you if you were an art teacher at a public school, since it’d be a fun and easy task. And you could lie to the kids too! Tell them it’s for Squid Day.
And when they ask, “When is Squid Day?"
Laugh manically, take out a knife and bellow, “Today is the day! The return of Lord C’thulu! Cthulhu fhtagn! Cthulhu fhtagn!"
I’m going to have nightmares now.
“Person: How would you define a browser?
Me: Uh…a web browser?
Person: Yes.
Me: In what way?
Person: Imagine someone doesn’t know what a browser is. How would you explain it to them?
Me: …no offense, but I think a web browser speaks for itself. I’m not sure how I’d need to explain what it does.
Person: Mm. Yes. Mmm.”
Quiz! Is this the lede to a story on a porn star or start of a very poor short story?
SHE IS YOUNG, 21, smokes Parliament Lights, and inhales deep with every drag before blowing out, visibly young — her pale skin soft, real, not manipulated. Her features are unmarked. No makeup that you can identify. No tattoos. Holes from ear piercings, but they’re unfilled. She beams with energy at every exchange and inquest, with every word. You wonder. You ask question upon question. You want to know more. And she tells you. Without hesitation. Everything on her mind. Forcefully. Streaming. Louder than you expect. More dynamic. Inflected. Strong. Kinetic.(click here to see if you’re right.)
and yes. I fucked up Oskar Schindler's name. We put a sic in.
I am 94 percent certain I've hit the point where I now hallucinate after podcasts.
Because I’ll be goddamned if the thing with glowing red eyes in my closet isn’t my ex-girlfriend come for revenge.
Or else, it’s that thing I summoned that night I did the thing and did a few shots of Jager while playing Detroit Metal City too loud.
Polish Manhattan
Me:...and that's why I won't ever go to Los Angeles. I like the dark and cold.
Person:But--you just said 'dark and cold' again! Why do you like it so much?
Me:I grew up in D.C. That's one of the most depressing places in the world.
Person:But you still live there.
Me:No, I live in Brooklyn now.
Person:Where in Brooklyn?
Me:Greenpoint.
Person:So, that's near Manhattan?
Me:Yes, it is Polish Manhattan.
Person:Oh. But if you like film, you should move to Los Angeles.
Me:It's depressing, but not cold out there. I'd hate it.
Can 15 Years of Imaginary Training Be Put to Good Use? Aw Hell Naw!
Steven Spielberg and Will Smith are in early discussions to collaborate on a remake of Chan Wook-park’s “Oldboy." DreamWorks is in the process of securing the remake rights, and the new pic will be distributed by Universal.Variety
