Winner of: "...this almost could be legit..."

OFFICIAL MEMOFrom:  Ms. Mariam SobhFax Number: +44 84458 83458Phone Number: +44 70359 40876Re: Investment Partnership
We are consulting with you on behalf of President Hosni Mubarak who just stepped down few days ago as Egyptian Leader. President Hosni Mubarak is in daring need of a sincere partner in a lucrative investment window.
At present, our client has an urgent need for assistance to relocate from Egypt and invest into the any lucrative economy the amount of Ninety Eight Million United States Dollars(US$98,000,000.00). This fund is part of his personal fund since his 30 years reign as Egyptian leader. The need for an urgent relocation of this fund from Egypt is necessitated by his sudden pressured hand over power to the Egyptian Military which is not a democratic institution. The fears that his assets may be frozen is sheering him in the face and hence for his decision to urgently move this fund.
It is in view of this therefore that I write to solicit your assistance and participation to move this fund abroad. All necessary arrangements have been put in place for a successful transporting of this fund abroad. You will be well briefed if you confirm your willingness and interest in this project.
We are willing and ready to negotiate your percentage accruable to you in regards to your participation in the successful relocation and investment of this fund.
You will be properly briefed on my receipt of your reply confirming your interest to participate and what will be required of you as concerns the successful execution of this project will also be communicated to you.
I wait your immediate response to this proposal. Your Faithful,Ms. Mariam SobhAssistant Consultant OfficerAfritrade International Inc.

Whiskey Makes You Frisky

Older Woman:Are you done eating?
Friend:Yes.
Older Woman and her two friends begin moving toward our table.
Friend:But we're clearly not done drinking and just ordered another round of cocktails.
The trio cluck disapprovingly at us, slowly morphing into wine-guzzling hens.

“We’ll spare you the gory details—but let’s just say they involved the woman’s boyfriend bringing her to climax on stage, using a contraption called a “fucksaw,” and plenty of gasps, not just from flabbergasted students.”
—

The author confuses “spare" with “grossly overshare." She did not do well in school.

via.

How To Make: The Aqua Velva

"If I tell you how to make a drink, will you make it?"

This is the line that effectively destroyed the market for blue curaçao in the East Village from 2008 to the present day. It would also immediately get you 86’ed from the Odessa Bar on Avenue A and Botanica. Legend goes, the drink in question would become a curiosity to other drinkers and they’d order the same until finally they were falling all over themselves—usually after the first drink.

This, dear friend, is the Aqua Velva. So named for the after shave, this drink came into my life when my friend Vadim had me rewatch David Fincher’s Zodiac. Sure enough, when Paul Avery (Robert Downey, Jr.)  goes to find Graysmith (Jake Gyllenhaal) in a bar to talk his theories, he finds the cartoonist sipping from a large blue drink.

"What the fuck is that?"

"An Aqua Velva. Want one?"

Smash cut: the two are at a table surrounded by the blue drinks. And speaking of smash, here’s how you can get yours on.

YOU’LL NEED:

1 bottle of cheap gin

1 bottle of cheap vodka

1 bottle of blue curaçao

A shaker

Ice trays.

1 bottle of Sprite or Ginger Ale. Nothing caffeinated.

Any fucking kind of glass you want. I’ve used pint glasses, highballs, rocks, etc. 

THIS IS THE ZODIAC SPEAKING:

First, take your shaker. Put in five to six ice cubes. Add in 1/3 vodka, 1/3 gin and then top with as much blue curaçao as you want. A two second pour does wonders.

Attach top of shaker. Shake well.

Add 1-3 cubes to your glass of choice. Pour in until glass is filled to your liking. Add the Sprite/Ginger Ale to fill out the rest of your glass.

Congratulations. You now have an Aqua Velva. Drink up.

WARNINGS:

-This drink, for all intensive purposes, was designed for the lowest of the low when it comes to livers: the reporter. One or two is plenty for the weekend warrior. 

-The blue curaçao is packed with sugar. This will make you feel better than you actually are. But be warned, once you start, you’ve got a 4-5 hour window to enjoy your night. You will crash very hard. 

-…you’re also going to wake up 2-3 hours after you first pass out. This has to do with the combination of sugars breaking down in your system and liquor. So if you pass out around midnight, you’ll wake back up for ten minutes at 3 am. You’re also going to have horrifying dreams. 

-Three bottles should make around 12 to 15 drinks. Oh. And don’t drink and drive.

p.s. it looks like this.