"a content farm is where everyone is content."

June 7, 2013 john lichman

It warmed up a little this week, here down at Lake 33Universal. Days are cloudy and the coffee machine is broken again, which no one ever admits to but we think it was the GamenGuide folks. The hum of browsers and clicks of keys keep the days to a normal minimum eight hours without the lunch hour. Lunch doesn’t exist down here at Lake 33Universal. At least not in the traditional sense. There’s a break room and an elevator and a coffee machine that normally gets ruined since the programmers can’t read the instruction. But lunch is a time of work here at Lake 33Universal. All the fresh J-school graduates at SportsWorldReport like to munch on sandwiches from FLAVORs or the newly opened Potbelly around the corner from 33 Whitehall Street. Sometimes they like to giggle over lattes about wrestling and news they scrape off ESPN.

The Heralds Siblings (Lawyers, Parents, Franchise and University) giggle like schoolgirls over HNGN as he swings his bell to cry out news that’s at least 48 hours old. Poor HNGN and breaking global news daily when its global news daily is already old. But he means well and just wakes up every so often around here down at Lake 33Universal. Without the other content farmers like JobsnHire, AutoWorldNews, NatureWorldNews,ScienceWorldReport,RealityToday, TravelersToday and FoodWorldNews.

Down here at the content farm, everyone is content at 33 Whitehall Street using leftover desks, computers and phones from Lehman Brothers. It’s a quaint village and we’re always looking for more folks even if we’re not technically a journalism job—we are agricultural cultivation specialists here at the content farm.

And down here at Lake 33 Universal, we’re not as bad as those communist pinko hippies over at EnStarz that think they’re called EnStars. Life is fine here on the content farm as long as you get your mandatory 10,000 hits a day in the field for six days a week. Yes, sir.

And if you can’t, that’s fine. We’ll just outsource your job to the Malaysians that can bring the hot hits daily*. So long from Lake 33Universal and we’ll call you maybe next time for fresh news and reviews video photos gallery.

May 31, 2013 john lichman

in which the drafthouse reminds you after midnight to shut off your phone. wait. fuck.

May 31, 2013 john lichman

never hold a white sign on the internet.

May 30, 2013 john lichman

May 24, 2013 john lichman

the trailer for Abner, The Invisible Dog which is on sale at cannes.

May 23, 2013 john lichman

theworstroom:

Bushwick, Brooklyn. $750.00
“LONG TERM ONLY!”
(Is this jail?)

from the actual listing, emphasis added:
“Private room in HUGE industrial like artists loft, is available for immediate or JUNE move in.
The room is spacious with lo… — theworstroom:

Bushwick, Brooklyn. $750.00

“LONG TERM ONLY!”

(Is this jail?)

from the actual listing, emphasis added:

“Private room in HUGE industrial like artists loft, is available for immediate or JUNE move in.

The room is spacious with loft bed area. The price is 750$ include all utilities.
Common space, shared with nice people in their early 20’s.
What we expect from u- just be clean and drama free.
Elevator and laundry in the building.
Located block in a half from L train @ Morgan (15 minutes from Union Square) in a heart of super up and coming neighborhood full of ‘caffes,’ bars, food, vintage clothing stores, art venues ‘and everything that Morgantown has to offer.’
LONG TERM ONLY!
Txt 347-4935898 to view today
(Please mention it’s the 750$ room)"

A Fond Memory of World War Z.

May 23, 2013 john lichman

It was a brisk November morning in 2006 and all Manhattan was a titter with bile and what have you. I was on my way up the the East 90s to meet with S.T. VanAirsdale to discuss being an intern for The Reeler. I had never met him, didn’t know whether to say ‘Stu’ or ‘Es Tee’ and had no idea what to say despite being the “film editor" for a student paper at NYU.

To kill time I hopped off to the Barnes and Noble on 85th St. Mulling around for a moment I walked up to the desk to ask for the bathroom. The employee took a look at me, sighed and then said, “Oh great, come this way" before I could even get past “Hi, is there."

She took me down the rows. Past the new releases. Past the fiction. Past the romance. Into the murky world of fantasy/science fiction. We walked down two rows until we came against the wall. She grabbed a stack of books, turned and said, “Can you carry these, please?"

She turned and went back to her desk, motioning for me to follow. We went back to her desk. She took out a sharpie and held it out.

"Can you start signing these please?"

I had no idea why but it dawned on me I was carrying a stack of World War Z. So I took her pen, opened the cover and signed the first copy. Then I met Max Brooks. This is Max Brooks. This was, for lack of a better version, me back in 2007.

"Why are you signing my book?"

"I have no idea," I said. “I just want to use the bathroom."

I can’t remember now if he laughed or if the person who worked there took the pen from me. But I left right after that and walked down to a Starbucks to meet Stu, which is finally what I found out to call him. Then came a discussion of the role of Jason Statham as the embodiment of modern male psyche in an actor that may or may not be self-aware.

I could give a shit about this film.

Somewhere, however, is a copy of World War Z signed by me. Cherish it.