An Open Letter to Defamer: Fuck. You.

She’s your friend’s younger sister and you remember what she looked like when she was 12. And she’s in your bar, in costume, getting sloshed while waiting for a kid’s movie to start.

What does it all mean? For starters, it means you’re old.

Second, as somebody who is stitching together her Slytherin scarf right now, I can tell you that the 25-year-old hipster in the knee-socks does geniunely love Harry Potter! We grew up with him. You guys had Remo Williams or some shit but we have this totally charming, decent, wizard fella who is nice to look at and lives in a world of rich political and cultural complexity!

[Pseudo-Defamer]

Dear NatashaVC,

I will type this in a way for you to understand, since apparently, I am even one year younger than you.

PLS 2 B STOPPIN NAO K THX BAI.

Also, you’re not Emily Gould.

Sincerely,

-John

When People Die: A Timeline Of How To Cover Someone's Death

"We especially liked the bit about how 25 year old art-richie scion Dash Snow (vaguely related to Uma Thurman, brother dates MK Olsen) goes about crafting his work…We mean, God, we can’t believe he gets paid to just sit and jizz all over Post headlines all day … wait."

-E.G., 1/10/2007

"Last night in West Chelsea, at a gallery opening full of Pabst Blue Ribbon and those that enjoy it, collector and show curator Simon Cerigo found that one of his artists had gone missing, according to an attendee. Young Dash Snow, the semen-painter, New York mag art star and (inadvertent?) conceptual prankster of the downtown scene, never actually sent in any “art" for the show. Instead, someone from the gallery—Dinter Fine Art—hung up some doodled-on Village Voices that said “Dash Snow Peace." (On the price list, it was credited to Cerigo.) Jeez, Dash—even psych-folkie Devendra Banhart managed to get his work in on time for the show. And he doesn’t even work in bodily fluids. Yet."

-C.S., 3/2/2007

"Remember Dash Snow, downtown it-boy artist who worked in the "Jizzing all over on NY Post headlines" motif? Yes well, he’s been keeping busy making these: $62 limited edition t-shirts reading “LEFT ALL WASHED UP." Exactly as you would have guessed."

-H.N., 6/16/08

"Dash’s other items for sale included T-shirts and his coke, sold on Ebay. Whether you liked his art or not, you have to admire the fact that he was a unique dude. R.I.P"

-H.N. 7/14/2009

Moral of the Story: When the coked out artist dude dies and your site has spent the last year or two sort of mocking him, you totally have to feel bad when he ODs. Because, like, that’s life, man. Brah. Etc. ALSO I GUESS HE’S ALL WASHED UP NOW. (get it?)

Brüno Spoilers.

  • He’s gay.
  • He enjoys the company of men.
  • He is a proponent of homosexuality.
  • He’s gayer than a gay man. Because, see, he’s gay.
  • Because he’s gay, he likes weird sex. This involves handcuffs. Only gay men like handcuffs. And toilet fetishes.
  • Ok, to be fair, he’s also Austrian. That explains the toilet fetish.
  • What’s gayer than bein’ gay? ICE GAY. I can’t hear you! What’s gayer than being gay? ICE GAY. YEAH. ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT. NOW LADIES. NOW I WANNA SEE Y’ALL ON YOUR BADDEST BEHAVIOR. LEND BRÜNO YOUR SUGAR. HE IS THE GAYEST NEIGHBOR.
  • Southern people are hicks because if you try to proposition them with gay innuendo, they’ll appear confused and mildly perturbed you keep trying to solicit them for gay sex. BECAUSE THEY’RE SOUTHERN AND IDIOTS. SMART PEOPLE ARE GAY.
  • NBC Universal is the biggest fucking shill ever.

Optional Title: The Chronicle's Of Vin's Dick, or How Vin Learned To Love The Ferret

Karl [Urban] grabbed the impressive pair of biceps and determinedly pushed Vin [Diesel] against the high window. “I wanna taste you…" he hissed. “I wanna feel your dick down my throat and suck you dry…"

edit: I forgot the other part.

Karl looked at Vin again and smirked, eyes sparking with a ferocious gleam. “I beg to differ…" Stepping back, he swiftly unfastened his belt and got rid of his pants, revealing a superb erection. Then he glanced sideways, tilting his head towards the surprisingly large piece of furniture standing a few feet away from them. He smiled wickedly: “That’s a pretty big couch you got there… Do you think it’s big enough to give this ferret a nice run?" he asked teasingly as he ran a hand up and down his length.

[ToplessRobot via…a horrible place.]

It Should Surprise No One This is in Washington, D.C.

My deceased aunt gave my two kids a Cocker Spaniel a few months back. The dog has been a terror and become overwhelming for me. I am a single father raising two young children. I cannot face telling the kids that the dog must go. I have found a good home for the dog, and just need someone to transport the dog, and play the villain.

Premise: You will be the dog walker hired by daddy (me) to walk Skittles. I will introduce you to the kids, and you will tell them you are going to help Skittles get her exercise when Daddy is too busy to walk her. At that point you will walk Skittles to your car and take her to her new family 20 minutes from my place. Then return holding just a leash. The story will be that Skittles broke free of the leash and took off. At this point prepare for crying, things being thrown at you, and possibly cursing. My kids are young and dramatic, their girls.

Pay will be $500. The job will take roughly 2 hours at best.

This job is ideal for an actor looking to diversify their role base, or someone who genuinely likes to make children cry. Acting experience is a plus, but not necessary. Please inform me of any prior experience in this kind of situation.

[Cinematical via Craigslist]

The 19 minute, 53 second interview I conducted with Bob Byington and Kristen Tucker (Harmony and Me) along with John Gatins (Dreamer: Inspired By A True Story) that I agreed to shoot & edit in camera.

The film follows Harmony (Justin/Justice Rice) after his girlfriend Jessica (Tucker) abruptly leaves him, unsatisfied with what he represents. From there it’s equal parts mediation on life, sleeping with your neighbor and wondering about the changes in your life. One of the best things I saw while at CineVegas this year, Harmony comforts you with the knowledge that everything won’t be ok; but you’ll wind up doing just fine.

That said, I also brought a copy of Kirk Honeycutt’s review of Harmony with me to ask Bob about his thoughts on one of the few negative reviews he’s received. We also learned Kirk wrote the 1992 film Final Judgment, which is about a stripper and a priest. And the priest fights to clear his name because people think he killed the stripper. Hilarity.

[current_movies blog]