A List of Low Maintenance, Film-Related Halloween Costumes

  • Whip Whitaker, Flight (You’ll need: a cheap pilot outfit, cocaine, 1/3 empty liter of orange juice, three shot bottles of vodka, cigarettes, aviator glasses).
  • Freddie Quell, The Master ( You’ll need: shoddy clothing too small for you, rickets, grain alcohol, white bread, optional sailor hat).
  • Tony Mendez, Argo (You’ll need: a beard, button-up shirt, corduroy jacket, script with “Argo" on it).
  • Aaron Cross, The Bourne Legacy (You’ll need: winter jacket, boots, pants, knit cap, toy rifle and modified Altoids tin with green and blue mints OR suit sans tie, knapsack and modified altoids tin with green and blue mints. Must also constantly refer to them as “Chems" and ask if anyone has anymore “Chems" every five minutes).
  • Blacksmith, The Man with the Iron Fists (You’ll need: tank top, shorts and a lot of tinfoil).
  • Magic Mike, Magic Mike (You’ll need: a time machine set to six months ago, membership to P-90X, cane and a low-to-no carb diet with high protein).
  • Joseph Gordon Levitt, Looper, The Dark Knight Rises, Lincoln, Premium Rush (You’ll need: to be Joseph Gordon Levitt, Spats, Optional: bicycle, fixed gear).
  • James Bond (Daniel Craig version), Skyfall (You’ll need: a Heineken, suit, fixed glare as if you have the worst wedgie in the world but know it is nothing if you have to drink another Heineken, another Heineken).
  • Cloud Atlas, Cloud Atlas (You’ll need: photos of yourself from various ages and questionable fashion choices, a copy of “Cloud Atlas," a long-winded exposition about how you’re the perfect version of yourself that has arrived at this moment in time in order to accomplish a perfect moment as foreseen by a group of higher beings to make something right, a shitty tattoo of a meteor, a picture of Tom Hanks from Cloud Atlas).

“Please see the details below. Should you or someone you know be interested, please reach us today to confirm an interview time.
Over 30 permanent, full-time positions available throughout NYC, Brooklyn and Long Island
Customer service skills required; retail store experience preferred
Tech savvy a plus
Flexible schedules preferred - Weekday and weekend hours - either 9am to 5pm or 1pm to 9pm
$10 an hour, plus COMMISSION, average annual salary is $30k to $40k!
Process:
Contact a Staffing Consultant for details
We will coordinate an interview with the client
Should you be chosen to interview, you will receive a confirmation with the date, time and location - Interview will be 30 minutes - Interviews happening next week!
Interview with the manager
If you are made an offer, we will conduct a background check and drug screening
Once you clear, you start
Timeline:
Interviews and decisions next week
Background checks and drug screenings (usually take approximately 7 days)
Then you start!
Call us today!!”
—

once again, never tell a head hunting agency that you have a background in social media, worked as an online producer on a weekly TV show, a PA on episodic content, freelance writer, podcaster or edited a subscription calendar for a trade magazine.

because this is apparently the best job you’ll get offered.

The Many Theories on The Internet About The End of Amazing Spider-Man

  • Peter Parker dies.
  • Doctor Octopus clones Peter Parker, Puts His Mind Into Clone and becomes Spider-Man.
  • Peter Parker gets grafted with Doc Ock’s arms.
  • Peter Parker becomes the male equivalent of Madam Web.
  • Miles Morales, the “Ultimate" Spider-Man, is found in the 616-universe and becomes Spider-Man.
  • Peter Parker loses his powers and is lead to Spider-Man 2099, Miguel O’Hara, who is living peacefully in the universe after the events in the final “Exiles" plot.
  • Peter Parker has his arms and legs cut off, gets Doc Ock arms and then does something.
  • Peter Parker and Alpha switch bodies.
  • Peter Parker retires officially, while Alpha becomes Spider-Man to inherit the role.
  • A really disturbing series of DeviantART images imagining Peter Parker as a limbless body with a tiny penis being jerked off with a piece of pasta by Mary Jane while Luke Cage apparently has his way with her. Seriously, where the hell did that one come from?

“

A Manhattan jury yesterday heard gruesome details about how a handsome young model allegedly killed and castrated his older lover, then slit his own wrists and applied the severed testicles to his bleeding arms so he could “harness their power.”



“He took the testicles and put one on each wrist,” said Rubin Sinins, the lawyer for Portuguese underwear model Renato Seabra, 22, in opening statements for the most lurid and graphic murder trial in recent Manhattan history.

”
—

The Post’s lede?

"That’s nuts!"

“Today I was reading about how Lena Dunham seems poised to get at least $3.6 million dollars for her debut book deal and feeling some feeling that is definitely not jealousy but that I don’t know the exact word for. The sensation itself is akin to what I imagine it would be like if a large land mammal was sitting on my chest and panting heavily. Kind of hot and flattened. To combat that feeling, I scrolled down to read the comments on that article, I guess because some part of me in that moment preferred the sensation of my brain being both shit on and set on fire at the same time. And of course it only took two or three commenters to bring up “the n-word.”
— In which the “n-word" is redefined. And, uh, you’re terrible for chastising someone whose father doesn’t have a wikipedia page. You fucking asshole, you.